The salad you dream about in prison

Taking the local sub is always an adventure, and my ears always perk at conversations about food.

thug #1: man Holmes, the whole time I was in prison I thought about this salad

thug #2: a salad man? That salad must be dope

thug #1: dope. The first thing I did when I got out on parole is make this salad

thug #2: seriously man? That salad must be dope!

thug #1: dope man. All it is is fresh cucumbers and tomatoes sliced. Squeeze of lime and cilantro too. It’s dope man.

thug #2: Seriously dope man

thug #1: shit so dope, it got my girl on her back, yo

thug #2: got her on her back? That’s a dope salad

thug #1: so dope. I made it up, she ate it up, she got on her back, we ate some more, and she got on her back more

thug #2: got on her back? Sounds like a pussy salad. That dope!

thug #1: shit ain’t a pussy salad. It’s a fucking cucumber tomato salad. And it’s dope.

< end scene >

There are 2 things definitely missing from my life right now: cucumber tomato salad, and a trusty side kick. Taking applications for a homie to repeat every sentence I say, with “dope” every other word.